Weaned

A week ago, Sunday, Monkey nursed for the last time.  The Wednesday before that, the same day the RE told me I needed to stop nursing for a month before we could go through the barrage of testing before we could do treatment for a second, Monkey refused the right side.  He continued to refuse the right side each night after that.  The right side has always been the lower producer, so I suppose it's not surprising that it would dry up first.  By Sunday night, he was taking less and less from the left side, and he almost refused.  He nursed for just a few minutes, and then that was it, our last nursing session.

I'm glad it happened on Monkey's terms.  Maybe it wouldn't have been his terms if my supply hadn't been depleted, but I wasn't willing to continue pumping during the day after a year, in order to maintain a supply just for the evenings.  And as I said earlier, nursing in the day was just too hard, so we'd transitioned off that by the end of May.  So, I really can't complain about the end of nursing.  Monkey wasn't upset or missing the nursing, at least that I could tell--he takes the bottle eagerly, as he always has, and he no longer pulls on my shirt to let me know he's hungry (sad, but good).  And I never experienced any discomfort or fullness--my supply just dropped quickly, but slowly enough that we could still transition down from nursing throughout the day to just mornings/evenings, and finally, to the evening.

I'm also glad that Monkey started refusing so soon after our visit to the RE.  I might have felt a little guilty weaning him earlier so that I could get my tests done this summer.  It's funny that he started refusing the same day we went to the RE, but then, I knew we were on the downhill for some time, and I knew my supply was dropping.  So, everything just happened easily, and I didn't have to make any tough decisions.

It's also easier in the mornings and evenings, now.  Last week, I had to leave for an early work meeting, so J got Monkey up after I was already gone.  I didn't have to worry about waking Monkey up first to nurse.  And Saturday, I went out with my book club, and I didn't have to worry about pumping while J put Monkey to bed.  It's easier.

Thank you all for your support on my last post.  I hope I'm not being delusional, and I feel like I really am in a different place.  And I so do not want to go back to that anxiety and stress, so I'm going to work hard to stay in this healthier place.